I’ve Had It

More and more, I see people leaving the corporate business world to do the things they enjoy. I hear stories of friends that I know, I read stories online of acquaintances I’ve made, and I see videos of complete strangers sharing their stories. I think what I am learning as I get older, is that there are so many concepts I grew up with that were considered “the norm.” Call it propaganda, call it brain-washing, call it whatever you like! I don’t care (and honestly sometimes I don’t know, lol)! All I know is that these things that were once shoved down my throat as a young child, used to have an effect on me. Let me explain…

I remember being obsessed with the future as a child. Anyone else remember the stress of figuring out what you were going to do with your whole life at the ripe age of 13? I’d love to know the statistics of how it differs for men and women, but all I know is that school had me stressed! If you didn’t take your studies seriously, then it would affect whether or not you could take accelerated or AP classes. And if you didn’t take accelerated or AP classes, you wouldn’t be able to knock out some of those college-credit courses in high school. And if you didn’t know which school you wanted to go to, or what you wanted to major in, of course you could attend a community college with an undeclared major, but that seems aimless! Do you see how crazy this line of thinking is already? I could go on, but I don’t want to hurt your brain more than it hurt mine to go through it myself!

And the sad thing is that I know so many young students that feel the same way today, as I did 10 years ago.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is necessary for students to explore; to find out what makes them tick, to practice what they are gifted at, to find out what they have a passion for, and to pursue it. Furthermore, I do think a little pressure to figure out what you want to do in life is good. However, I’d really love to find a solution to the damaging side of too much pressure.

Pair an overwhelming amount of pressure with the fear of failure and you’ve got a pretty stress-paralyzed kid. Add in the disease of people pleasing and insecurity…and you’ve got a pretty good recipe for a quarter-life crisis….haha….just kidding….but am I?

In reality, I dropped out of highschool halfway through 9th grade to be homeschooled so I could pursue dance. I then developed a foot condition that took me out of pointe, tap, and anything else that was strenuous on the feet. My dreams of dancing professionally came crashing down… I continued to dance throughout the high school years, but I didn’t know if I could even pursue it as a career option anymore…so I pivoted.

Before I graduated, I made plans to attend a ministry school in PA. I got a summer job at a country club and before I knew it, summer had ended and it was off to school I went! That was until….cov!d happened. By March 2020, I was back home and again, trying to assess what the next move was. My boyfriend (now husband) and I both decided to stay home after the lockdown had ended—we couldn’t see ourselves back in PA for another year. So Judah enrolled in real college, and we both worked at our church. That was 5 years ago.

Nothing turned out the way I had planned for it to. I had everything all planned out since I was 13. I could’ve saved myself the trouble and not stressed about the future. I could’ve enjoyed my childhood! Who would’ve thought? Not me!

Jesus was right in saying worrying will not add a single day to your life—there is enough trouble for today. Stay present in today, and worry about tomorrow…tomorrow! And well…I’ll tell you…

I’ve had it.

This is the year I stop worrying and start enjoying. I understand why people are leaving their corporate jobs—they realize so much time has gone by and for what? What have they fulfilled? Their bank accounts?

Even with the stress and fear of my youth, there were pockets of time that I got to experience REALLY cool things that were out of the ordinary for me.

When I was 12, I got to travel to Florida and perform in a mulit-millionaire’s home to bring awareness to human trafficking.
When I was 13, I discovered by love for music and songwriting.
When I was 15, I got to perform at local restaurants and bars until I realized I was called to lead worship.
When I was 17, I got to attend Pointe Park’s summer dance intensive and a worship camp that totally changed my life.
When I was 18, I attended ministry school and worked for a really cool dance studio.
When I was 19, I became a worship director.

Each experience was scary, but it was exhilarating.
And all throughout those times, I had an assortment of many hobbies. Knitting, crocheting, scrapbooking, organizing (yes that can be a hobby if you’re weird like me), painting, reading, photographing, card-making, graphic designing, and the list goes on. Many. Hobbies.

And today, the culmination of all those things I enjoyed, is where I realize that our future does not have to be plotted out like a linear graph. It does not have to make sense. The step I take tomorrow does not have to correlate with the step I take in 5 months or 5 years.

Sometimes our next step is momentary. Sometimes our next step lasts an era. But the way I like to look at it…nothing is forever. Our life on this earth is like a vapor in the wind—here one moment and gone the next.

Each step can be a Momentary Era;
marked by its nature and focus.
It may have nothing to do with the next one,
but surely is will lead you to it.
I care that we find fulfillment in this moment,
In this era
because tomorrow can worry about itself.

What is your Momentary Era?